Cocksack 3000

(This one actually occured within the last few weeks...)

How truly special is my life if this appears in my Inbox:

Hi my name is mike im 49 single lookin for love

With this pic >>

Yes, I know.. there is much to be said here. But this pic is worth a million words.
I mean, who sends this pic of themselves out to a stranger..wearing... as my buddy @ktoab calls it... a Cocksack 3000. But first & foremost- Dude, PUT YOUR NUTSACK AWAY before you snap a pic.
After I regained my composure.. I shot off this reply:

Hi Mike,
I received your email and photo. I must say I was taken aback by the awesome display of your man parts. Rarely do you find someone so willing to put themselves out there, but you surely did. I am impressed.

Here’s a little about me.
I like pudding. There I have said it. It’s out there. I like to be up front about that.  If that’s a deal breaker for you, I understand.

I have attached my pic. I am the one on the right. Have you ever seen an antelope? What are your ideas on antelope – strudel integrations? Are you open minded about those things? I can’t stand closed minded people, especially where wild game animals and danish/bakery products are involved.

I have a formal function coming up in Nov. I would love it if you could accompany me. I have to also give a friend a ride. He lives in Lancaster. He’s bringing the strudel
I hope to hear from you soon
Love, M

< And I sent this pic I found on Google

I received this short and clueless reply:
Hi sweetheart this is mike, I like your pic very much I sure would love to meet you

Really? You read that email ? antelope and all... and you’re still into it

Ok, how about this:

Hi Mike,
So happy to hear from you again. I looked at your picture again..and was hoping you had more again. We’re out of butter again

I was also hoping you could tell me a bit more about you.
Where do you live? Do you like your neighbors? My neighbor Kelsey was recently diagnosed with Tourette's Sign Language.

I have 3 meals a day – or I try to, but not if the mower won’t start. Where would you like to meet? There is a nice gas station close by. They have a soda fountain or a slot machine, I can’t tell which. Do you play cribbage?

Suspenders!

I must say I am a bit disappointed that you glossed over my questions regarding antelope – and pastry. I must know your feelings on these subjects before we move ahead. Canada Dry makes me break out.
Well , that’s all. Well that, and if a squirrel runs into the woods, don’t chase it. Jewelry can be replaced. It’s not worth it.
Your little muzzle blaster, M

I think that may have done the trick…but I couldn’t help firing off one more quick email:

Mike,
Have you abandoned me?  I am heartbroken
I found a stick

I haven't heard back from him. I can't imagine why.